Support for men who want to understand and change harmful relationship behaviours
Relationships can become painful, tense, and difficult to repair when conflict, anger, control, intimidation, jealousy, defensiveness, withdrawal, or hurtful communication become part of the pattern.
You may be here because someone has raised concerns about your behaviour. You may have been referred by a service, DCJ, a lawyer, a court process, your partner, or a family member. Or you may already know that the way things are going is not okay and you want help to respond differently.
Who Matters provides specialist individual Men’s Behaviour Change Counselling for men who want to better understand their behaviour, take responsibility for their choices, and build safer, more respectful relationships.
This is not about blame or shame. It is about honest reflection, accountability, and practical change.
What this counselling can help with
Men’s Behaviour Change Counselling may support you to:
- understand patterns of conflict, anger, control, jealousy, defensiveness, or emotional shutdown
- recognise the impact your behaviour has on your partner, ex-partner, children, family, or others around you
- take responsibility without becoming overwhelmed by shame or defensiveness
- develop safer ways to respond during stress, conflict, separation, parenting disagreements, or relationship breakdown
- improve communication without using pressure, intimidation, blame, withdrawal, or control
- understand the difference between being calm and being safe
- rebuild trust through consistent behaviour over time
- become more aware of the beliefs, expectations, and habits that keep harmful patterns going
This work is especially relevant for men who have used violence, abuse, coercive control, intimidation, threats, emotional harm, or other behaviours that have made others feel unsafe.
What to expect
Counselling provides a structured space to look honestly at what has been happening in your relationships. Sessions may involve exploring:
- what happens before, during, and after conflict
- how you respond when you feel rejected, criticised, ashamed, jealous, powerless, or out of control
- the impact of your behaviour on others
- the choices you make in difficult moments
- your role as a partner, ex-partner, father, or co-parent
- safer strategies for managing conflict, anger, stress, and emotional intensity
- how to respect boundaries, rebuild trust, and support safety over time
The focus is not simply on “managing anger”. Many harmful behaviours are not caused by anger alone. They can also involve entitlement, fear, control, insecurity, avoidance, shame, jealousy, or beliefs about relationships and gender roles.
The work is practical, but it also requires honesty. Change is not measured by what you say in counselling. It is measured by the safety, freedom, and dignity experienced by the people around you.
Individual counselling, not a group program
Who Matters offers individual specialist counselling. This may suit men who are not able to access a group-based Men’s Behaviour Change Program, who are waiting for a group, or who may benefit from individual work alongside other supports.
Suitability is assessed case by case. This is particularly important where there is current police, court, ADVO, family law, child protection, substance use, mental health, or immediate safety involvement.
Where appropriate, counselling may also involve communication with referring services, provided there is consent or a relevant information-sharing basis.
Is this service right for me?
This counselling may be suitable if you are willing to:
- look honestly at your behaviour
- consider the impact your choices have had on others
- take responsibility without blaming your partner, ex-partner, children, stress, alcohol, mental health, or past experiences
- practise safer responses during conflict or emotional distress
- accept that rebuilding trust takes time and consistency
- engage respectfully in counselling, even when the work feels uncomfortable
You do not need to have everything worked out before reaching out. You do need to be willing to start.
Take the first step
If you are ready to begin, you can enquire about availability and suitability by completing the contact form or emailing with:
- your name
- your contact number
- a brief outline of what you are seeking support for
- whether there is any current police, court, ADVO, family law, DCJ, or child protection involvement
- your general availability for appointments
- your timezone if you are outside NSW, ACT, or Victoria
Due to the specialist nature of this work, vague or unrelated enquiries may not receive a response.
You can also learn more about our specialist men’s behaviour change counsellor.
Need support now?
If you need immediate telephone counselling or referral support, contact the No to Violence Men’s Referral Service.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.